A Yearning to Be More

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

It was Sunday night and I desperately wanted to find a book to read on my kindle.  I get in moods where all I want to do is read a good book.  As I scrolled through the list on the public library site, I came across one of the few available kindle books: May I Have Your Attention Please by Chris Hilicki.

Hmm.  Click.  Then boom, it had me at the sub-title: Build a Better Business by Telling Your True Story.

The thing is, there's so much of the book I want to talk about, but THIS -- what I am about to share deserved its own post:
“As much as I love the exhilaration I get when I see something extraordinary and beautiful, I feel a little sad too, because it also stirs my feeling of lack in the beauty category.  I suppose it is a yearning to be more."
Has it happened to you?  You're either looking at a blog, a portfolio, or a Facebook album of just really amazing work -- but the feeling inside just becomes more and more... defeated?  The part of you that wants to be able to admire ends up over taken by the sheer desire to simply close out your browser window, shut your laptop, lay on the floor, and stare at the ceiling.  Um, YEAH.

And you might wonder WHY do I feel so down?
"It is along a longing to give more. Giving more would result in being appreciated more, if not by others than by myself for doing the right thing. So there it is: a circle that you and I spend our waking lives trying to close. It is the circle of giving and receiving, spinning around a core of appreciation."
Don't you love the word yearn?  I do.  I feel like it accurately describes the fire that travels from your heart to your lungs, shortens your breath, and grips your insides.  YEARN.  We yearn to be more.  That is completely okay.  BUT.  But we cannot stay there.  I believe that yearning can also be paralyzing when it meets face-to-face with lack.  And comparison.  Because yearning can come from a place of dissatisfaction and the lie that you aren't good enough.  It robs us from the ability to be happy for the artist and most importantly, robs YOU of your own accomplishments.

But WHERE is that dissatisfaction coming from?  And I can't answer that on this post because it stems from our own individual places.  All I can say is ... do not isolate yourself.  We are made to be relational people and it is sometimes that one individual who we are vulnerable with that helps us answer the question of dissatisfaction.  To dig through the layers and find the root of that yearn.  And sometimes... they even push us enough to be able to appreciate ourselves.  As we should. 

"Your self worth is not up for grabs" -- Pete Wilson.


  1. Such a great post! I feel like this A LOT when I am looking through other photographer's work and constantly comparing myself to them. It's hard not to feel defeated when you are so much in awe of what they have done. I read a great quote once that reminds me to keep going: "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare out behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel". You are right though, you must not let it take over and debilitate you...I think thats what seperates a "person who takes photos" from a "photographer".

    1. Thank you! And yes! I have come across that quote before and it couldn't be more right. In fact, that's a part of the business of photography -- learning to be SELECTIVE with what you post to further highlight your style. But on the same tone, it can be deceiving to growing/starting artists who view only the "best" work (rather than the behind-the-scenes). It's SUCH a growth process that we can't help but compare ourselves. We have to draw the line between being inspired to being paralyzed. For me it all started/changed when I focused on my identity as a believer. As that solidified, I wasn't so easily shaken about my worth like I used to be. Which... well, that's just a whole other post ;) Thanks for your input Natalie!



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